what happened this afternoon, i think it served as a warning to me, but i seriously can't help it. wat am i talking about - 残酷舞台 DVD sold out!!!! So it was a great disappointment for me when they said it was out. but the main point is.................

i cried.

cried...

tears of extreme disappointment. which slowly became tears of anger.

cos i did mention tat my mum say will go buy over the weekend right. but she didnt. came up with tons of lame and stupid excuses so tat "there was no time" to buy it. on saturday when i inquired it was still available, but i hadn't the money with me. sunday gt plenty of time but she deliberately came up with so many last minute things to do tat in the end had no time. so today went to 3 shops to ask and all 3 said dnt have...

i know it's ridiculous to cry over it. partially was cos im furious with my mum. secondly i just cnt help the disappointment. i seriously have never wanted something so much that i will start saving up for it, not even a PSP. there may be the second batch to be imported. but wat if dnt have.........

crying over this made me realise tat i might be way too obssessed in him. too much. but i cnt help it. so i have this black face on me the moment i reach home, and my mum still have the nerve to tell me tat it's not her fault so dnt bend my anger on her. i could have just screamed it out at her, but i didnt. had no idea how much self-control tat took me (i've never held back tat well before). today 娱乐百分百's guest was Eason Chan. and there was Mr Pig. at least tat brightened me up quite a handful..

left my phone number with the CD shop, they will contact me as soon as the next batch arrives.

it's nt tat much of an obssession, is it..............

First i would like to thank huiqi loads. she talked some light into me. but also of course deep down i already know what i wanted to do, just that i needed re-assurance (this is new, since when i needed re-assurance from someone else..) and huiqi did it well. but it wasn't entirely her magic ok. it was my decision. and a little credits to agnes too. thanks you guys, for lending me your ears....

Im sorry too Wen Hui. I mean, i still dont really get y u hve to make such a huge fuss abt it, but maybe i should have thought of how you would feel before i opened my big trap. but as everyone knows me, im just that straight forward, so pls try as much as possible to put up with this flaw of mine.

over these few days, i realised tat school is kinda intolerable without you. u may have seen or heard me laughing and seemingly very happy with the others, but everything that makes me laugh or just the slightest bit of smile - it reminds me of you, since we talk abt every little detail together. and it pains me, like alot. also (i never thought i would say or even do this) but, well..... um, i cried over it. i mean really cried. it was stupid, i was lying in my bed, and i tried not to think abt it, but i still did, then the tears just came. i was surprised at myself that i was actually crying.... but huiqi says it's no wonder, we are just so close. i think everyone roughly knows that we had a tiff, cos it is just so obvious that we r suddenly nt together when usually we are like wat, super-glue? huiqi came forward to ask me, and even aaron (aaron?!) asked, "sarah, why are you so lonely?" [i said why should he bother and he said why not. but he had the sense to ask it in a really nice tone, as if he means it that it's real concern?] i guess the others just knew not to rub it in.

lastly, im glad that i have improved your self-esteem and confidence in class and towards ppl. i can see that you are more willing to speak up, but there's still lots more you can do. and it's really lots lots more. i know this is one reason u cnt bear to lose me, i just perk you up don't i? there's one similar yet opposite reason i cnt lose you, and that's the fact that you tame me down. i tend to forget a more gentle and refine side of myself at times (or rather alot of times i think and as u may agree) and you are the only one who can re-instill that back into me. rmb this, u ARE still a friend to me, the best one yet. just promise that u will give me as many "in-your-face's" as possible, meaning that just tell me anything, anything at all, right in my face. and i will do the same to you. it's new to you, but for me, it's just like old times ain't it. =)

Let's hope our friendship stays strong and lasts for an eternity... Loads of love to you.

im angry. not just that, im more of feeling extremely hurt. u may not have liked wat i've done, but at least u could just tell me straight in my face. and i will accept it.

but wat did u do? u were talking behind my back, then u apologised - tats plain backstabbing and betrayal. it was fated tat the msg would end up sent to me. u apologised. then u called. wat do u expect me to say? i could have just screamed "fuck" at you, but i didnt. I could have said that i hate you right into your ears, but i didnt. i so wanted to. so why didnt i? cos unlike u, im a true fren. u called yrself some stupid names and say you're sincerely sorry. but tell me, just tell me, does that help? does that make wat you've said about me disappear? does that help me feel better? no it doesn't. as if it's not enough, it makes everything much worse.

don't wanna lose me and be left alone? are u using me? is it just because of this tat u are sorry? u can easily find some other frens cnt u? how abt that particular person whom u wanted to send the msg to?

im partially glad this happened. so tat when i see u from tmr onwards i know how u really feel towards me. instead of seeing u put on some hollywood skills of pretence. and not make a bloody fool of myself talking to u as if nth happened, while deep down, you're shooting darts at me. i would have apologised if u told me how u felt, but now i won't. dnt say u dnt hate me, u jolly well said it loud and clear in yr msg (tho it was not meant for me). i admit at times i cnt stand u, really cnt at all. but i dnt do wat u did. u know me, i always say it right in your face, tho sometimes it does hurt when it's rather blunt. but it beats what you've done, doesn't it.

i dnt know how our friendship can carry on. even if it does, it will never be the same. u, and some others, may deem tat im petty. but im saying this, that it hurts, far too much..... and most importantly, u r the very first fren who has backstabbed me, sucker. congrats on making the record. i never thought u were this sort of person, seems like im wrong to have even considered u my best fren.

tats shit. everything is shit. u are the fullest load of shit too. total bullshit. and it's not the first time. i've had enough with you. i can be far better off without u. dnt tell me u cnt lose me, cos when i see that in your msg, i feel like spitting in your face. that's fake, and i dnt need all that fucking crap fom you. u wanna be mean? u have chosen the right opponent indeed. i can be a thousand times much worse than yr useless piece of idiotic and childish message.

get this clear. i dont need you. i dont want your useless and meaningless apology. u claim that it's sincere, but i cant sense it. that's how fucking shitty u are. i know u well enough, u say all these just for the fucking sake of it. but u dnt mean it. if u do, show me. but i know that will never happen.

^After school Wan Ying and I went to have ice cream at Lot One! Yummy!

^Check this out, I made it myself during Guides meeting last wednesday. Free wire, free time, so here it is! Made one for my senior amanda too!

^EVERYTHING TO DO WITH SHOW!! (with credits to Yan Lin, she helped me with this! Thanks a million!)

Quiz! Stolen from Super Cute Gwen!

1.Do you have wide groups of friends?
Hmm, not really i guess. Not super close de...

2. If you're in trouble, will your friends fly over to help you immediately?
Maybe, yea i guess so..

3. Will you sacrifice your most precious thing for your friends?
Depends on wat type of frens and wat is the thing. (if it's SHOW Luo related stuff it's definitely a NO-NO)

4. Do you believe in best friends, BFFs, or that everyone's equal?
Best friends and BFFs- yes, everyone's equal- no.

5. Do you think that a straight (guy) and a woman can just be a platonic friends?
sure, though ppl always have misconceptions tat they cnt.

6. Do you have a male friend that you can trust with almost everything?
definitely no. it's hard to trust guys- period.

7. Do you think that friends should tell each other everything?
like of course la, DUH?! >.<

8. If your friends are in trouble, what will you do?
Go to as much extent as possible to help them.

9. In future, if your friends get married and ask you to be their best men/bridesmaid, will you agree?
sure, why not.

10. What if your enemy calls you one day to make peace?
impossible. here's the thing- a leopard never changes its spots.

11. What will you do to a friend whom you trust deeply, betrayed you?
nothing. just feel extremely hurt and depressed. betray him/her back? nah, childish.

12. If your friend snatch away your boyfriend, will you still be a friend or hate him/her completely?
the friendship would be way over but wats the point of hating her..

13. What if there is a boy/girl that have liked your friend for quite some time, tells you that he/she needs your help to win the heart of your friend, will you help him/her?
if it's close frens- yea. if it's not- not my problem.

14. Do your parents think that your friends are a bad influence?
nope. they trust my choice of frens. =)

15.What will you tell your parents if they asked you to transfer school, which means losing all your closest friends?
i will cry like ther's no tmr. frens mean alot to me, whether close or otherwise.

16. If your friend organize a once in a life time party, but your family doesn't allow you to go? Will you sulk/throw a temper/sneak out/don't go?
hmm, i would like to sulk, throw a temper n sneak out- but tats impossible. if i do, i'll be sliced, chopped, grounded and fried.

17. How will you describe your friendship relationship with your friends?
pretty well..

18. Define friendship.
having frens in yr life is like being on a ship, good- sail smoothly with nice sceneries. bad- stormy and sinks eventually.

19. Name 20 people whom you can think right now. Don't read the questions until you named the 20 people.
1. Wen Hui
2. Agnes
3. Hui Qi
4. Wan Ying
5. Juan Jun
6. Shuan Hock
7. Amanda (senior)
8. Aaron
9. Jun Wei
10. Gwen
11. Ying Ying
12. Xuan Hao
13. Zhi Yee
14. Mr Adrian Tan
15. Mr Chan Meng Wai
16. SHOW 罗志祥
17. Eckerene
18. Hui Shan (senior)
19. Jie Xin
20. Melissa

How did you meet no. 4? (Wan Ying)
through audrey who was my pri sch fren.

What will you do if you never meet no. 1? (Wen Hui)
i think i will die cos i rely on her alot abt sch stuff like hw...

What if no. 9 and no. 20 dated? (Jun Wei and Melissa)
they dnt know each other. even if they do, 9 is way too short for 20. seriously.

Will no. 6 & no. 17 date? (Shuan Hock and Eckerene)
no ba... 6 is sec 2 and 17 is sec 4. but who knows... XD

Describe no. 3. (Hui Qi)
she looks totally like a japanese doll..

Describe no. 7. (Amanda senior)
totally smart and responsible and loves SHOW as much as i do!

Do you know any of no.12's family? (Xuan Hao)
no.

What will you do if no.18 confess to you that he/she likes you? (Hui Shan senior)
no problem, i like her too! =)

no. 15 speaks? (Mr Chan Meng Wai)
erm.... uhh.. mathematically? he's our math cher after all. or sportily? cos he's more of a PE cher to other classes. argh, crap...

How old is no.16? (SHOW 罗志祥)
today he's 28+. on 30 july he will be 29!!! <3

When is the last time you spoke to no.13? (Zhi Yee)
hmm. pretty long ago. during june hols when i called to ask whether she wanna play badminton together with other 6C-ers. yupps.

Who is no.2 favorite band or singer? (Agnes)
Singer- Jesse McCartney

Would you ever date no. 4? (Wan Ying)
i think we kinda r already in a les relationship. =)

Would you ever date no. 1? (Wen Hui)
hmm, she's head over heels for someone already le. ^.^ n im already les-ing with wan ying.

Is no. 19 single? (Jie Xin)
no idea.

Would you ever be in a relationship with no.11? (Ying Ying)
im already les-ing with wan ying!!!

School of no. 3? (Hui Qi)
same sch as me- nan hua high

Where does no. 6 live? (Shuan Hock)
Bukit Gombak i think.

What is your favourite thing about no.5? (Juan Jun)
there's nth to like about him at all... or maybe when he helps add lots of 乐趣 in class by fooling around.

Have you seen no. 2 naked? (Agnes)
of course not!!

What is no. 8's nickname? (Aaron)
hmm, blur king? or the future Kobe Bryant...

sheesh, y no qn on no. 14 mr adrian tan... at least have qn on SHOW!!! hahas, gwen put my name in no. 7 n for the qn "describe no. 7" she said "she loves SHOW LUO!" YEAHHSS!!!!! =)

today at wenhui's hse aft doing pw (shuanhock missing in action) we played darkness ep 2. got freaked out by this sudden v loud scream and then halfway yiming dnt wan play le. hahas, YIMING, YOU'RE SCARED!!! then when i had to go to the toilet i got shocked by the loud whirring of the washing machine n a scream from the radion wenhui's dad was listening to. i know, like wth, y radio got scream de...

外婆 in hospital. mum visited her yst n when she came hme n told me the situation, i cried real bad... then when i listened to xiao zhu's 力量 i cried even more... now i know why he cries when singing this song, esp if it reminds you of your loved one. this morning visited grandma. yst she was unconscious all the way. thank god she's awake now. but she cnt recognise any of us... 外婆你要赶快康复，不然大家都会很伤心的....

xiiao zhu's birthday- just 10 more days! and i went to enquire, 残酷舞台 DVD out next week! yipee!!!! =DDDD

ohmygosh, this is sooo cool! so handsome!!! i love him i love him i love him!

stupid imeem very lag, so i currently never put song. whew, i deleted everything from previous html, so i took darn long to complete this. but it's way worth it!

im wondering if i can go to far east plaza STAGE tmr to buy some of SHOW's merchandises. i was telling my tuition cher n she is like how much? i said $60 and various ranges. she's said im siao n shouldnt waste money. but im not wasting! it's my own savings after all, so i can spend it any way i want and like... i wanna buy a SHOW printed shirt and a cap first.. dunno whether mum will keep her word about the dvd, if not i will but tat as the very 1st thing. then there's the HOT SHOT... so much to buy, so little money. save save save!!! he's birthday is coming!!! how is he gonna celebrate ne...

today during eng we had a debate. mootion: Girls Are Smarter Than Boys. Girls scream and cheer with me, we sooo totally rawked! Mrs B Lim is waay proud of us. Boys, accept the fact, the cold hard fact that we really are smarter. Guys have bigger brains, but so wat if u dnt use it?! Rmb, there's a woman behind every successful man. Bt now, more women are even more successful than men. =)

ICT lesson again...

browsing thru bogskins n found so many more new SHOW's blogskins!!! so darn handsome, im like holding back my scream n getting a silent heart attack. wenhui is shaking her head at me.

im so gonna buy his dvd and as many of his merchandise at STAGE at Far East Plaza. one shirt is like $60+ and his cap is like $80+ i think. but i dnt care. I WILL GET IT! I'M GONNA BUY AS MANY THINGS THAT IS RELATED TO HIM. I have to buck up to be able to claim that im a BIG fan of his. Hui Shan(206) liked him since last yr n i like him since P4- yet im losing out to her. Not that im comparing, is just that im still considered very noob to be officially a fan of his.

and im not obsessed, im just a very loyal fan. and this will never change!!!

I LOVE SHOW!!!!!!

hmm i quite long never post le.. sian, class tests coming, mug like CRAZY...

i met 206 huishan today. finally a soulmate! she loves SHOW too!!! it's fate, it's TOTALLY fate.

today the 6 guys [gays] in our class talked during assembly. then as punishment mr tan ask whole class gather in parade square. he talked to us n we were actually still fooling around, like falling in n answering him YES SIR and NO SIR. i think he oso gona lol. then he gve an jiasheng n yiming down 10, faaarnnii... but at least he never explode, as i thought he would.

残酷舞台 DVD!!! i mus get it!!! thx mum for agreeing to buy for me!!! And the HOT SHOT, WHEW! with his [SHOW] signature the cheapest version is $32 [according to huishan]. i dnt care, i will starve myself to buy it...

xiao zhu kiss xiao gui: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gd0vtrlEbk
mr pig ft. zhuo wen xuan[hawaii version]: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUwx_qq8PWI
mr pig ft. xiao zhu[split into 2 person]: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUR8ZG8oKns
xiao gui n xiao zhu imitating michael jackson: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGj_sp81TPA
xiao zhu imitate jolin's 愛無赦 dance moves[better if u watch jolin's real mv first, see the similarity]: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qn78Zr5_WI0
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hahas, i deleted the previous links, so here they are again. during pw let shuan hock, yiming, kah hang n wenhui watch n they were laughing like siao. wenhui, i make your job easier when u wanna watch. =) and im part of xiaozhu's international forum- fan club!!!

oh ya, on fri waited with yingying for eck n huishan. wanted to pass them farewell presents. while waiting we gossipped n talked mainly abt _____. yingying totally hates her, so do i, tho we've nv really talked. wat to do, is her face n attitude. wait n wait till abt 3.10 then they came dwn from auditorium. they were h-a-p-p-y, the looks on their face said it all. huishan was like "i feel so loved." yes, u both are loved by yingying n i. alot. =) then we random chat awhile n eck had to rush up for her oral. she said wait for her then we chat some more but i nid to go my aunt's hse. then they hugged us! aww, way sweet! haix sad... hope you guys like the presents! 只是个小心意...

Okay, im officially gonna grow damn fat.. im eating like more and more one day after another. yst morning i did hw, then afternoon slacked and listen to music. then fetched sis from tuition n went to grandmother's hse. at grandmother's hse i ate like two strawberry buns n finished half a packet of Loacker biscuits. then ate some cookies.

around 5 went to AMK Hub. mum wanted to shop but i was like so not interested... cos i was hungry. i was like, "im hungry im hungry im hungry.. pls pls pls go eat!!!" n i begged her to bring me to tis restaurant called New York New York. tats where all the troubles began..

wanted to order this cheesy chicken-half a roasted chicken with cheese on it. then changed my mind to half spring chicken. then i was thinking it wont be full cos i was starving, so i ordered a whole spring chicken. n it wasnt small at all... lols when the waitress served it to the table she was abt to place it in front of my mum bt when my mum pointed to me she was like huh? then my mum looked at the chicken n she said "i bet tat u will only finish half." i replied "try me." when i finished half le i was like "hah u r wrong! im not full yet." seriously, i was not filled up yet. so i ate n ate till left one-fifth then cnt tahan le... my mum still order vanilla ice-cream with fried banana pieces in chocolate lake. when i saw it, it seemed kinda gross. then i think i had a sickly expression on my face cos my mum was like "你做什么，你的脸...怪怪的." hahas. bt in the end i did finish the chicken n some of the ice-cream.

then my stomach was darn full n pain. walking was torturous. i ran n jumped around to try getting rid of the bloated-ness. i oso realised tat i want lots of things. i walked past every shop n everything seem to catch my eye. shirts, tops, skirts, shoes, accessories, really everything. im gonna save now n by yr end hols im gonna do some major shopping. n before typing this paragraph i just finished eating a 6-inch subway sandwich tat i bought this morning at bukit timah while having breakfast. it's a complete lie to say that im not growing fat- or in the least eating way too much, cos everyone's urging me to eat more. my mum did say that im eating too much, bt she doesnt mind cos she say i cn afford it. yea rite mum, it's nt your bod n figure we're talking abt here...

most probably i wnt use com tmr, so wishing all youths an early happy youth day n to my beloved ICHIGO, AN EARLY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! <3
亲爱的羅志祥- 24 more days to go!! [bought a lip gloss, jus like mr pig!] n i keep dreaming of 羅志祥 this few days... hiax, how charming is he........

In sch com lab, now ICT lesson....

Siansation sia.. doing adobe photoshop. so ma fan, who cares or bothers? i totally don't.

Dunno wat to say. just here to random awhile, rather than really doing the photoshop when i have absolutely no idea wat or how to do.

Ok i will end here. Lesson over le. Ichigo= 3 more days to go!!! Xiaozhu= 26 more days to go!!! LOVE YOU BOTH LOADS!!! *MUACKIES*

^AHHH!! so hot man! I totally love him!!! <3 style="color:#9999ff;">
^ Ichigo= Act cool with attitude n forever so cool with the greatest knock-me-over attitude.. XD countdown to 7 july- 4 more days to go.. ^.^


^Me, Fione (junior) n Eckerene (Fave sec 4 senior!)

Yst was ROD (Resignation Of Duty?) for the sec 4s in guides. i was sad, seriously. eckerene n huishan(my 2 fave seniors) r leaving! sobs T.T Fione was sad too, she's only been with eckerene for abt half a yr, at least i get one n a half year with her. Yeeni(another senior) haven send me 2 other photos she took with her digital cam. i will upload them when i receive them.

We ate pizzas n chicken wings then chatted for quite awhile. Fione, eckerene n i were talking abt guys (lols). fione, cheer up kays. =) like eckerene says, 不要为了一个臭男人而转校 la. im still here for you! n eckerene, im sure u will find another guy with your bubbly n abit ki siao personality. get over joe, he'll cause u more hurt with his indecisive-ness. I love your high-ness n ki siao-ness alot btw eckerene. im oso v high n random n always 自high in class, esp when mention about 羅志祥. :D

then we sec 2s cheered for the sec 4s. sad, gwen not there, so only ying ying n i hyper(as usual). the other sec 2s like half-dead de. at least xinyi(yet another senior) oso hyper-ed with us. The sec 1s made a video wif movie maker n used our last yr's camp photos. funny lor, they were not even in nan hua yet, but still... it's touching....

i almost cried know. but i didn't dare, cos no one else even looked as though they were gonna cry. besides gwen, ying ying, fione n i, the lower secs aren't close to the seniors at all. i dunno abt sec 3s. ying ying told me to cheer up, so did eckerene. the sec 4s specially requested tat they want to join us for this yr's camp, so cher arranged it to be after their o levels. after tat we just talked abit more then we took photos. Sec 4s, gambatte for your o levels kay? you guys cn do it!

since im the only sec 2 in my patrol, in 2 yrs' time i will be the only sec 4 n i must be the patrol leader. now tat eckerene's left, i only have amanda to lean on (fave sec 3 senior). when amanda leaves nxt yr, i think i will just die... no one will accompany me to talk abt SHOW anymore. (she's an even greater fan of his than me). yingying say i mus 坚强 wors, as patrol leader, i say i will try, for eckerene's n amanda's sake. and for Patrol Mynah's sake. i can't bring down mynah's reputation of being the most hyper n enthu.

went to lot one to buy present for eckerene n huishan after school with wanying this afternoon. hope they like it... im really gonna miss them both....... sobs.

on a happier note, next monday youth day 7 july is oso KUROSAKI ICHIGO'S BIRTHDAY!!!!

and on 3o july is 羅志祥's BIRTHDAY!!!! ahahaha, the 2 帥氣最十足的大男人 de birthday both on july. n cutie xiaofen's birthday oso on july. Woah! July totally rawks man!

SARAH LOVES 羅志祥 FOREVER！.